Marie Holmes

I Made A Secret Promise To My Friend In College. 20 Years Later, I Finally Revealed It To Her.

We inhabited a strange, liminal space between adolescence and adulthood. On the one hand, there were moments of feeling invincible. I smoked cigarettes and didn’t care what they might be doing to my body. We sat out on fire escapes and ledges, not worrying that we might fall. On the other hand, we could see beyond the innocence of childhood to the terror of the world. We were in New York City on September 11, and climbed onto the roof of our dorm and saw the smoke from all the way downtown. We w...

Their Parents May Not Know It, But Most 11- And 12-Year-Olds Are On TikTok

TikTok uses machine learning to predict which videos an individual user is most likely to interact with and then populates their feed with these videos. A “similarity check” replaces videos that look and sound too much like one another to ensure just enough variety so that users don’t get bored. The system also filters videos by region. TikTok says its algorithm won’t recommend videos from users under 16 for the For You feed, but it’s hard to imagine that they are able to effectively implement t...

If So Many People Have ADHD, Is It Really A Disorder?

Over the past few years, an increasing number of adults are getting ADHD diagnoses. Some seek out diagnosis and treatment for themselves after helping a child through the process. Others start to wonder about the possibility after seeing themselves reflected in stories shared on social media. In many cases, an official diagnosis comes as a relief after years of feeling like they just couldn’t keep up, no matter how hard they tried. It offers an explanation for this struggle and opens the door to...

Are Audio Players The Answer To Keeping Kids Off Screens?

New technologies between my Raffi tapes and now have fundamentally transformed the way we consume music and all other audiovisual content. With a few taps on my phone, I can find a recording of almost any song I’ve ever heard — usually for free. But this unfettered access comes at a cost. The apps we use to access entertainment of all kinds are designed to keep us coming back for more, creating a loyal audience for advertisers. New technologies between my Raffi tapes and now have fundamentally...

Women Are Being Ad-Targeted For Minoxidil Like Crazy — But Just How Safe Is It?

For most of my life, my hair has been long, dark, wavy and thick. So thick that when I was growing up, the neighborhood salon charged extra for my cuts because they involved such a great quantity of hair. Blow-drying took ages as the poor stylist worked through layer after layer of my locks. At home, I always left a plentiful accumulation of coiled hair atop the drain in the shower. For most of my life, my hair has been long, dark, wavy and thick. So thick that when I was growing up, the neighb...

This Viral Video Captures The Kind Of Moment Young Boys Need More Of

In the video, a group of boys who appear to be around 10 years old surrounds one of their peers. The blond boy in the middle of the circle anxiously shifts his weight. You might think some cruel mockery or another kind of bullying behavior is about to ensue — but then the music starts, and the boy cautiously launches into a verse of “Lose Control” by Teddy Swims. In the video, a group of boys who appear to be around 10 years old surrounds one of their peers. The blond boy in the middle of the c...

I Lied To My Pediatrician About Where My Baby Slept At Night — And I’m Not The Only One

What Your Child Should Know If You Have A Family History Of Substance Use Disorder

The truth is that the biggest mistake we can make is to say nothing. Research shows that when it comes to substance abuse, parents’ actions (like allowing kids to drink at home) matter — and so do their words. Studies have found that teens who believe their parents have a zero-tolerance policy when it comes to alcohol are less likely to drink in college. The truth is that the biggest mistake we can make is to say nothing. Research shows that when it comes to substance abuse, parents’ actions (l...

Should You Let Your Teen Drink Alcohol As Long As It’s Under Your Roof? Experts Weigh In.

“A kid who has their first drink in eighth grade, they have an almost 50% lifelong risk of developing substance use disorder. If it’s pushed by two years, into 10th grade, it drops by half, and if it’s pushed by another two years until they’re 18, it drops again by half — and at that point, we’re down to just about the national average for people with substance use disorder,” Lahey said. “A kid who has their first drink in eighth grade, they have an almost 50% lifelong risk of developing substa...

The 1 Thing That Child Therapists Say Harms Kids' Happiness The Most

Jennifer Wallace is a journalist and author of the forthcoming book “Never Enough: When Achievement Culture Becomes Toxic ― And What We Can Do About It.” From a survey she conducted on the topic, and an extensive series of interviews with kids, families, teachers and psychologists, Wallace concluded that “too many kids today perceive their value and worth to be contingent on their achievements — their GPAs, the number of likes they get on a post — not for who they are as people, deep at their co...

Black Midwives Are Pillars Of Pregnancy Care. Here’s What We Can Learn From Them.

The first birth I attended as a home birth midwife was in Brooklyn. It was a religious Jewish family. My business partner Karen was the primary midwife for that first birth. It was just the woman and her husband in this little apartment. He was praying in one room, she was doing her thing in the other room. He was explaining all things Jewish religion to me. It was just wonderful — that feeling of there’s something really special, magical, knowing that you’re a participant in something so import...

What Is Child Endangerment? When Leaving Your Child Alone Becomes A Crime.

Nannies Are Entitled To A Year-End Bonus. Here’s How Much You Should Give

“Domestic workers do not have the protections that other workers do because of their exclusion in the New Deal,” said Stowe, alluding to the fact that domestic workers, along with agricultural, service and retail employees, were not entitled to the protections enshrined in the Fair Labor Standards Act of 1938. These workers, most of them people of color, were excluded from guarantees such as the minimum wage, the 40-hour workweek, overtime pay and the right to unionize. They were also denied acc...

'I Felt Seen': Childless Women React To Jennifer Aniston's IVF Story

How to break it to kids that the family is moving (or other hard news)

As I scurried down the street towards my son’s school—his beloved school, where he’d been in the same class as his best friend from kindergarten through 5th grade—my stomach clenched with the knowledge that I was about to deliver a devastating blow: he’d be starting at a new school in September. I was carrying a pack of peanut butter cups, his favorite, in the hopes that it would soften the impact somehow. He stepped out onto the sidewalk and saw me right away, waving my hand. “What are you d

How To Celebrate Mother’s Day as a Two-Mom Family

Queer folks approach parenting with a great deal of inventiveness. We write the rules as we go, and the wonderful result is the creativity we display in constructing our families. There’s so much variety, including in the names our kids call us. There are many ways to celebrate Mother’s Day when both parents identify as some variation of "mom." Approaches to the day, however, tend to fall into one of two categories: giving mom a break or celebrating together as a family. Sometimes, all mom wan

I’m Teaching My Kids to "Say Gay," And Hoping For a Freer Future

The other day my 8-year-old daughter was writing in her journal, listing the characteristics of each member of our family (including the cat and the dog, of course). She noted age, race, pronouns, and sexual orientation. Our favorite colors may have also made the cut. When it came to her sexual orientation, and that of her 12-year-old brother, she carefully penciled in big question marks, explaining, “Because we don’t know yet.” In my mind, this was a sweet moment shared between a first grader

I'm a gay teacher. You can tell us not to say 'gay,' but we'll find each other — even in school.

• In my experience, gay kids will find and support each other. • Even if it's not at school, thanks to the internet they can find the support they need. In middle school, I had a Spanish teacher who was young and friendly, and I probably had a crush on her, though I couldn't have articulated that at the time. One afternoon, she was describing a night out at a club in which she had seen two women dancing with each other. This bothered her, she said, even more than she thought it would. She did

What Not To Say To Someone Who’s Undergoing IVF

When a friend is in the middle of IVF, you want to acknowledge what they’re going through, but you also don’t want to say something you’ll regret. In an attempt to be helpful, and because so often people get uncomfortable or nervous and just start babbling, friends, acquaintances, and co-workers often say things to people undergoing IVF that are hurtful. As Chrissy Teigen has pointed out, simply asking someone if they’re pregnant can cut pretty deep. Remember that someone undergoing IVF is oft

What If Pre-K Isn't The Answer?

It might just be true: sending our kids to pre-K may be doing more harm than good. With a title clearly intended to evoke disbelief, a recent New York Magazine piece, “What If Pre-K Actually Hurts Kids?” discusses recent research showing that the benefits of attending pre-K are short-lived, and that they disappear and even begin to reverse as children move up through the grades. If you’re someone who has rearranged your schedule to accommodate preschool tours, navigated applications and wait l