Why Queer Parents Are Rushing To Complete Second-Parent Adoptions Right Now

Queer parents, like myself, began to fear that our families could become the conservative justices’ next target. Especially after Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas stated in his concurring opinion in Dobbs vs. Jackson Women’s Health Organization, which precipitated the overturning of Roe, that the court “should reconsider” other cases involving the right to privacy, including 2015′s Obergefell v. Hodges decision, which legalized gay marriage. Queer parents, like myself, began to fear that o...

How To Celebrate Mother’s Day as a Two-Mom Family

Queer folks approach parenting with a great deal of inventiveness. We write the rules as we go, and the wonderful result is the creativity we display in constructing our families. There’s so much variety, including in the names our kids call us. There are many ways to celebrate Mother’s Day when both parents identify as some variation of "mom." Approaches to the day, however, tend to fall into one of two categories: giving mom a break or celebrating together as a family. Sometimes, all mom wan

I’m Teaching My Kids to "Say Gay," And Hoping For a Freer Future

The other day my 8-year-old daughter was writing in her journal, listing the characteristics of each member of our family (including the cat and the dog, of course). She noted age, race, pronouns, and sexual orientation. Our favorite colors may have also made the cut. When it came to her sexual orientation, and that of her 12-year-old brother, she carefully penciled in big question marks, explaining, “Because we don’t know yet.” In my mind, this was a sweet moment shared between a first grader

Idaho Senate Halts Anti-Trans Bill

Good news: on Tuesday, the Idaho state Senate put a stop to a bill that would’ve criminalized providing healthcare to transgender children under the age of 18. According to Reuters, Republican leaders said it undermined parental rights and amounted to government overreach. Bad news: Idaho’s GOP didn’t just suddenly grow a conscience when it comes to the rights of trans kids and their families. They continue to stand by their opposition to any kind of trans-related medical care. The Idaho State

I'm a gay teacher. You can tell us not to say 'gay,' but we'll find each other — even in school.

• In my experience, gay kids will find and support each other. • Even if it's not at school, thanks to the internet they can find the support they need. In middle school, I had a Spanish teacher who was young and friendly, and I probably had a crush on her, though I couldn't have articulated that at the time. One afternoon, she was describing a night out at a club in which she had seen two women dancing with each other. This bothered her, she said, even more than she thought it would. She did

What’s In A Name? How Queer Families Choose to Call Themselves

One of the awesome things about being queer is that it frees us from certain social expectations. When we do make stereotypically heteronormative life moves, like getting married or becoming parents, it’s more likely to feel like a conscious choice rather than the fulfillment of some predetermined script. My wife and I got married in Connecticut in 2009 because it still wasn’t legal for us to do so in our home state of New York. We wed while I was pregnant with our first child, in the hopes tha

8 Ways to Celebrate and Learn About Pride Month with Kids

PrideFest WHEN: June 27, 11am WHERE: 4th Avenue between 13th and 9th Streets, Greenwich Village WHAT: PrideFest combines exhibitors, entertainers, food and activities for a day of fun and celebration in the name of equality. PrideFest is the perfect place to stop and listen to a few tunes, grab a bite to eat or score some great Pride gear. WANT TO GO? Free to attend. Family Movie Night: The Princess Bride WHEN: June 11, 6:30-9pm WHERE: The Old Stone House, 336 3rd St., Park Slope

36 Gender Inclusive Books for Kids and Teens

These books feature trans, nonbinary, and gender-creative characters confronting challenges that range from the supernatural to the painfully real. "Young people need to see images of themselves in order to internalize a healthy sense of self," says Lilian Rivera, who works with trans, nonbinary, and gender non-conforming youth and their families at the organization Gender Spectrum. "It's important for children to know that gender doesn't have to be rigid or very specific." The characters in th

Perspective | In birth certificate decision, Supreme Court reaffirms the story of our family

The Supreme Court this week reaffirmed its 2015 decision legalizing same-sex marriage, to the great relief of queer parents across the United States, many of us still decked in beads and stickers from last weekend’s Pride festivities. The right of a spouse to be listed as a parent on a child’s birth certificate is indeed one of the many rights and privileges granted by marriage, the court found, reversing a decision in Arkansas that had denied this right to married same-sex couples, citing “bas

Our kids have two moms. Here’s what the gay marriage decision means for us

Back when we were struggling to get pregnant for the first time, I sought the help of an acupuncturist who specialized in fertility issues. He would carefully prepare my naked, barren body, then cover me up with a giant sheet of Mylar and leave me to lie alone in a darkened room, wondering how I became so desperate for a baby that I was willing to spend $135 twice a week to have someone stick pins in me. At the beginning of the session, while he placed the needles, we would sometimes make small

Our children are real, and so are their donors

“You are born to a mother and a father — or at least that’s how it should be,” the clothing designer Domenico Dolce recently said, stirring up a bit of controversy. “I call children of chemistry, synthetic children. Rented uterus, semen chosen from a catalog.” Synthetic children? Ouch. My first reaction was to extend an invitation to Signores Dolce and Gabbana to come over and babysit my little cyborgs for a few hours, so that they could experience first-hand their screaming, their whining, and

Is that baby yours?

“Is that your baby?” asked the man on the subway. “Yup,” I smiled, thinking of the triumphant moment when I arrived at the hospital and was determined to already be 10 centimeters dilated. It wasn’t the answer he was after, but there was no need to explain that. She is my daughter. I gave birth to her. I nurse her. But she doesn’t have any of my genes. The man looked at my baby’s pale yellow hair, round blue eyes and rosy skin, then at my darker features. “Is your husband Irish or Scandinav

Their Parents May Not Know It, But Most 11- And 12-Year-Olds Are On TikTok

TikTok uses machine learning to predict which videos an individual user is most likely to interact with and then populates their feed with these videos. A “similarity check” replaces videos that look and sound too much like one another to ensure just enough variety so that users don’t get bored. The system also filters videos by region. TikTok says its algorithm won’t recommend videos from users under 16 for the For You feed, but it’s hard to imagine that they are able to effectively implement t...

If So Many People Have ADHD, Is It Really A Disorder?

Over the past few years, an increasing number of adults are getting ADHD diagnoses. Some seek out diagnosis and treatment for themselves after helping a child through the process. Others start to wonder about the possibility after seeing themselves reflected in stories shared on social media. In many cases, an official diagnosis comes as a relief after years of feeling like they just couldn’t keep up, no matter how hard they tried. It offers an explanation for this struggle and opens the door to...

Are Audio Players The Answer To Keeping Kids Off Screens?

New technologies between my Raffi tapes and now have fundamentally transformed the way we consume music and all other audiovisual content. With a few taps on my phone, I can find a recording of almost any song I’ve ever heard — usually for free. But this unfettered access comes at a cost. The apps we use to access entertainment of all kinds are designed to keep us coming back for more, creating a loyal audience for advertisers. New technologies between my Raffi tapes and now have fundamentally...

This Viral Video Captures The Kind Of Moment Young Boys Need More Of

In the video, a group of boys who appear to be around 10 years old surrounds one of their peers. The blond boy in the middle of the circle anxiously shifts his weight. You might think some cruel mockery or another kind of bullying behavior is about to ensue — but then the music starts, and the boy cautiously launches into a verse of “Lose Control” by Teddy Swims. In the video, a group of boys who appear to be around 10 years old surrounds one of their peers. The blond boy in the middle of the c...

I Lied To My Pediatrician About Where My Baby Slept At Night — And I’m Not The Only One

Should You Let Your Teen Drink Alcohol As Long As It’s Under Your Roof? Experts Weigh In.

“A kid who has their first drink in eighth grade, they have an almost 50% lifelong risk of developing substance use disorder. If it’s pushed by two years, into 10th grade, it drops by half, and if it’s pushed by another two years until they’re 18, it drops again by half — and at that point, we’re down to just about the national average for people with substance use disorder,” Lahey said. “A kid who has their first drink in eighth grade, they have an almost 50% lifelong risk of developing substa...

The 1 Thing That Child Therapists Say Harms Kids' Happiness The Most

Jennifer Wallace is a journalist and author of the forthcoming book “Never Enough: When Achievement Culture Becomes Toxic ― And What We Can Do About It.” From a survey she conducted on the topic, and an extensive series of interviews with kids, families, teachers and psychologists, Wallace concluded that “too many kids today perceive their value and worth to be contingent on their achievements — their GPAs, the number of likes they get on a post — not for who they are as people, deep at their co...

What Is Child Endangerment? When Leaving Your Child Alone Becomes A Crime.

Nannies Are Entitled To A Year-End Bonus. Here’s How Much You Should Give

“Domestic workers do not have the protections that other workers do because of their exclusion in the New Deal,” said Stowe, alluding to the fact that domestic workers, along with agricultural, service and retail employees, were not entitled to the protections enshrined in the Fair Labor Standards Act of 1938. These workers, most of them people of color, were excluded from guarantees such as the minimum wage, the 40-hour workweek, overtime pay and the right to unionize. They were also denied acc...

'Basically No One Believed Her': How We're Failing Girls With ADHD

How to break it to kids that the family is moving (or other hard news)

As I scurried down the street towards my son’s school—his beloved school, where he’d been in the same class as his best friend from kindergarten through 5th grade—my stomach clenched with the knowledge that I was about to deliver a devastating blow: he’d be starting at a new school in September. I was carrying a pack of peanut butter cups, his favorite, in the hopes that it would soften the impact somehow. He stepped out onto the sidewalk and saw me right away, waving my hand. “What are you d

What If Pre-K Isn't The Answer?

It might just be true: sending our kids to pre-K may be doing more harm than good. With a title clearly intended to evoke disbelief, a recent New York Magazine piece, “What If Pre-K Actually Hurts Kids?” discusses recent research showing that the benefits of attending pre-K are short-lived, and that they disappear and even begin to reverse as children move up through the grades. If you’re someone who has rearranged your schedule to accommodate preschool tours, navigated applications and wait l

I'm a teacher isolating because I got COVID-19. It threatens the sense of normalcy our household had finally restored.

• I'm a teacher and a mom of two school-aged kids. • The past two years have been filled with disappointment for my children. • Now that I've tested positive, the little normalcy we had is out the window. It started as a tickle in the back of my throat. "It can't be," I thought. Two years into the pandemic, vaccinated and boosted, was I getting COVID-19? Students and teachers had been dropping like flies with infections in the week leading up to winter break. My wife and I had planned to tra

Teachers Don’t Want Schools to Close Again Either, But We Do Wish You’d Occasionally Listen to Us

As I’ve seen over and over again throughout my 16 years working for the New York City Department of Education, when society faces a crisis, the general public tends to lay it at the feet of teachers and insist that we find a solution. Rather than giving us the support and resources to actually tackle the problem, they tell us to use grit and resilience to make it work. The latest example: Folks want schools to remain open during the surge of the Omicron variant during the COVID-19 pandemic. How

Best Boy Baby Names that Begin With the Letter A

Looking for a name for your baby boy? Why not start at the beginning? Of the alphabet, that is. Check out this select list of great boy names that start with the letter A. There are a wealth of possibilities, from traditional to trendy, popular to unique, and everything in-between. Imagine how the following names feel on your tongue, and see if any are the perfect fit! Best baby boy names that start with A This Old Testament name means “high mountain,” “exalted,” and “enlightened.” Aaron has b

Perfect Baby Names for Sports Fans

No matter which is your favorite game, you’re sure to find inspiration in these sports baby names that celebrate some of the greatest athletes of all time and their dedication to excellence. Player-inspired names offer your child a role model and remind them of your passion for the game. Althea Gibson won titles and broke barriers as the first Black female tennis player to win a grand slam (after the French Open in 1956). She went on to win ten more grand slam titles, cementing her place in his

8 Simple Things You Can Do at Home to Help if Your Student is Struggling in School

The luster of the first day of school has surely worn off by now, and families have settled back into the daily grind—including some facets of pre-pandemic life that we may not have missed, like early mornings and traffic jams. It’s a challenging transition for everyone. Kids who were kindergarten students in the spring of 2020 had only six months of regular instruction before moving into lockdown, and now they’re in second grade. So, it comes as no surprise that some of these kids are showing s

Pen Parentis – Offering Community and Support to Writers who Parent

As anyone who has experienced the seismic transition of becoming a parent can attest, it’s not so much that priorities shift as that the solid ground upon which you used to neatly arrange your life undergoes a tectonic upheaval. It’s a struggle to hold on to the pieces of your identity that mean the most to you, and maintaining a creative practice, even when it was once the thing that sustained you, can feel downright unimaginable. It was the nagging doubt of How do I do this? that motivated wr

5 Ways to Determine If Your Child Would Benefit from Summer School

Answer these 5 questions to see if summer school is right for your child this year. The words “summer school” can invoke draconian misery—and are often uttered as a threat from a teacher or parent. But after more than a year of pandemic shut-down, summer school, like many things, looks very different through COVID-colored glasses. There are many reasons summer school makes sense this year. For one, parents are worried about learning gaps. Whether their kids have been remote, hybrid, or in scho

Water Safety for Babies and Toddlers

Young children delight in the water. Some people even believe that babies have a special aquatic connection because they recently emerged from their own personal womb-pool. Yet, in a matter of seconds, water can cause grave harm to a child. “Drowning is the leading cause of death for children ages one to four,” says Mary O’Donoghue, senior aquatics director of the YMCA of Greater New York. This year, it’s more important than ever to be aware of these risks. Bobby Hazen, district manager of Saf-

Black Midwives Are Pillars Of Pregnancy Care. Here’s What We Can Learn From Them.

The first birth I attended as a home birth midwife was in Brooklyn. It was a religious Jewish family. My business partner Karen was the primary midwife for that first birth. It was just the woman and her husband in this little apartment. He was praying in one room, she was doing her thing in the other room. He was explaining all things Jewish religion to me. It was just wonderful — that feeling of there’s something really special, magical, knowing that you’re a participant in something so import...

'I Felt Seen': Childless Women React To Jennifer Aniston's IVF Story

What Not To Say To Someone Who’s Undergoing IVF

When a friend is in the middle of IVF, you want to acknowledge what they’re going through, but you also don’t want to say something you’ll regret. In an attempt to be helpful, and because so often people get uncomfortable or nervous and just start babbling, friends, acquaintances, and co-workers often say things to people undergoing IVF that are hurtful. As Chrissy Teigen has pointed out, simply asking someone if they’re pregnant can cut pretty deep. Remember that someone undergoing IVF is oft

Jamie Chung's Struggles With Postpartum Depression Show How Non-Birth Parents Suffer Too

Chung, who welcomed twin boys via surrogate, advises fellow parents, “Accept all the help.” Motherhood is hard no matter how you get there, and some challenges shouldn’t be faced alone. “I think it comes in waves,” Chung told Yahoo! Life of postpartum depression. The actor and Real World alum has been open about the hardships of parenting not one, but two, babies, who arrived prematurely in October. “Some days — some moments — are really great and I try to focus on that,” said Chung. “Talking

Cute nNcknames for Your Unborn Baby That Will Help You Bond

You’ll probably want to talk to your unborn baby at some point during your pregnancy, but how to address him or her? You may not have chosen a name yet, and might not even know the sex. In addition to helping you talk to your baby, his or her existence may feel more real when you can mention your baby in terms more specific than “it” or “the baby.” You might even use this nickname after the birth if you need a little time to finalize your name decision. If you have decided on a name but aren’t r

Postpartum Depression vs. Baby Blues: Here's How to Tell the Difference

In the momentous days and weeks following the birth of a child, it is normal to experience a roller coaster of emotions, including sadness. Your body undergoes significant physical changes post-birth, and at the same time, you go through the psychological transformation of becoming a parent. Feelings of overwhelm or anxiety during this time are commonly referred to as “the baby blues”, and they are both normal and expected. Postpartum depression, however, is a different diagnosis and a more seri

Some First Trimester Problems Might be Serious

In terms of medical appointments, the first trimester of pregnancy can be pretty uneventful. You may not even see your provider until you are 10 to 12 weeks along, at which point you’ll begin the rituals of peeing in a cup, getting measured and weighed, and hearing your baby’s heartbeat. However, there are reasons to get in touch with your doctor or midwife sooner. The discomforts of early pregnancy are many and varied, but there are a few first trimester problems you shouldn’t ignore. Every pr

Enough With The Idyllic Birth Photos

This past week, Hilary Duff posted a bunch of photos taken during her labor with her third child. She is sitting on an exercise ball, her hair tinted a resplendent aquamarine, her lips painted ruby red, all her makeup flawless. She radiates a very zen sense of calm. The pictures could be advertising cosmetics, but, instead, they are a small handful of the thousands of photos and videos to be found online selling birth as a beautiful experience and a pinnacle of female achievement. Of course, bi

The Only Way Out Is Through

The Only Way Out Is Through We hadn’t been downtown in months. The kids happily entertained themselves for the whole ride, swinging and climbing the jungle gym of the subway bars. I let them. There was hardly anyone else in the car, and at least they had their masks on. It was raining, but I had brought an umbrella for the two-avenue walk to the LEGO store. The display windows looked dim, though, as we approached. The kids ran up ahead of me to the front entrance and I found them there, hands

No, Judge Barrett, An Embryo Is Not A Person

Allow me to speak, momentarily, on behalf of everyone who has ever endured the second half of an IVF cycle, tethered to some altered plane between joy and despair, and respond to the conservative claim, supported by Supreme Court nominee Amy Coney Barrett, that an embryo is basically the same thing as a baby: if only that were fucking true. I’ve been through four IVF cycles, for a total of twelve living embryos transferred into my eager pink uterus while I tried to take deep, calming breaths an

Doing it “right”

I was wary of making a birth plan. I knew that the unexpected is par for the course in childbirth and was afraid that the more demands I made, the more I was tempting fate. I had already been so lucky, pregnant with the last embryo (number 18!) from our second round of IVF after two tumultuous years of trying. As the weeks wore on, my belly swelled, my back ached, and my resolve to have the birth I wanted took solid form. We switched to a doctor with a very low C-section rate, at 4 percent. I b

Another presidential election rolls around, and I’m celebrating my ‘Obama baby’

I will never forget the night of Nov. 4, 2008: Feeling an electric rush when the results were called, seeing American flags unfurl and realizing that for the first time I wasn’t cringing at the sight of them, hearing through the open window what I can only describe as a roar of joy coming from Harlem, 20 blocks to the north. There were other things about the evening that are noteworthy only in hindsight. At the results-watching party we attended, I kept returning to the savory snacks and wasn’t

What I Wish I'd Known Before Giving Birth

After my son was born, I lay flat on the delivery table, staring up at the dotted ceiling tiles. I could hear the clinking of the doctor's instruments down below, repairing what I would later learn was a third-degree tear. I noticed a window, and the darkness outside. I heard rain beating against the glass. For the first time in 20 hours, I formed a coherent thought: That was it? That was the birth experience I had been waiting for? I wished, already, that I could go back in time and do the who

When This Happened, I Suddenly Stopped Caring About My Weight

I wanted to carry a baby like I wanted to be thin: for longer than I could remember. When my partner, Sarah, and I began exploring the possibility of me carrying our child, the whole project seemed tailor-made for my obsessive need for body control. I began to track my basal temperature and check my body for other signs of ovulation. As it turned out, other than my period blood, there were none. Something was up. We booked an appointment with a fertility specialist who immediately told me to sto

Breastfeeding Can be Overwhelming: Make it Easier by Keeping a Log

Even if you are a super-organized, Type A person who never forgets a thing and is always on time, you can expect a few stumbles on the path to perfection in the days and weeks following your baby’s arrival. Birth is a significant physiological event, and your body will need time to recover. Your estrogen and progesterone levels also plummet back to normal after their pregnancy peak, which can impact your mental and emotional functioning. Add into the mix a little – or a lot – of sleep deprivatio

When My Breasts Didn't Work, I Nursed My Baby Anyway

This story is part of our Real Women, Real Stories series, documenting the lived experiences of women along their health journeys. Please always consult your health care professional with personal concerns or questions. I'd always known there was something "off" about my breasts. They're small and shaped almost like cones, not the spheres that give magazine models an alluring décolletage. When I finally became pregnant, after attempting every fertility procedure I'd heard of, I barely had a cha

Breasts half empty or half full?

Did you know? The poster on the wall on the doctor’s office beckoned, Breastfeeding reduces your child’s chances of . . . a list of illnesses followed. It was a long list. I cringed and looked away. I was there for an ultrasound, my baby still kicking in my belly, happily fed through our placenta. I hadn’t started breastfeeding yet, of course, but I already had a sinking feeling it wasn’t going to work out for me. My breasts hadn’t grown at all during pregnancy, and I had little faith that they

My small breasts were an even bigger disappointment when they couldn’t feed my son

I always thought something was wrong with my breasts, and I finally learned what it was when I became a mom. I’ve known there was something wrong with my breasts since I was 13. They were small and lacked roundness—there was nothing to squeeze together to create the alluring cleavage the other girls my age had. As I went through adolescence without graduating from my AA training bras, I thought longingly of the day pregnancy would finally bring me “real” boobs. But my breasts didn’t grow with p

My Breasts Never Grew, But I've Forgiven Them

I can still see the rosy pink shade of the tee-shirt I was wearing the afternoon in fourth grade when I stuck my face down into it and made an incredible discovery: I had boobs. Or the beginnings of them, at least. I could hardly contain my excitement. These little buds, I thought, were the first hint of the real woman who would emerge from my awkward girl's body. I would be tall and lean, and my breasts would perfectly fill out the most elegant dresses. I would be the sort of woman who stopped

I Fed My Daughter Breast Milk I Found On The Internet

In my daughter's first year of life, 40 different women helped me feed her. On my daughter’s first birthday, I sat down during my lunch break to write thank you notes, mostly in the form of emails and Facebook messages, to the women who had helped me feed her that year. There were 40 of them. One was a gymnastics coach in town without her baby for a tournament. Another had a newborn in the NICU, taking just drops of the copious amount she produced every time she pumped. A number of them had b